"Good Morning"

Amjam · "Good Morning"

I was going to put this in the "Stories" board, but it's not Pokémon-related. Just something I wanted to share with you.
It's the first half of an English assignment ( the second part I didn't like at all, so I cut it unceremoniously). I really, really enjoyed exploring this; it's a completely different writing style than I usually use and the character(s) are much different than the type I normally write, being very two-dimensional, simple, without even names.
I know most of you probably haven't read anything of mine aside from the lone story and odd poem on my deviantART, and this was a challenging short story that I feel kinda proud of.
It's too bad the margins of this forum distort the line endings from their original placement, but it still makes sense. :c
Amjam's rambling again. I'll just post it.

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“Good morning, good morning,” the regular cry came from the streets. All drenched in morning’s dew and - with simmering light from the sun not yet dancing on the tiled roofs - homes sat in clusters, like animals huddling together for the warmth of their bodies. Each day’s come, a call of ‘good morning, good morning’ filtered in past closed sliding doors to cause lying citizens to wake and begin preparations of the day.
The man was awoken by this every morning. Sometimes, he’d like to tell himself that he had the sensibility of a bird, to allow himself to wake. He certainly supposed that on some days, he did rise to consciousness before hearing the call, though he reasoned that a medical condition kept him from movement until the voice passed by.
He sat up so slowly, rolling out from under his cover and rising to his feet, first standing with the toes and coiling his foot to pass onto the balls. With no specific rush to dress his self for the day, he stepped from his room. When he paused at the portrait of his grandfather on the wall, to greet him for the day, a strange thought entered his head. Truly and indisputably the crier woke him each day. However, the man could not for all sod is held for recall glimpsing the caller’s face.
Troubled by this the man was very much. Musing it, he sat before his grandfather and asked for a moment’s patience and perhaps some assistance in worrying this mystery. His toe disturbed a small piece, which he promptly returned to its place and resumed his deep thought.
The call of ‘good morning’ was not the mandatory drone of an announcement, nor the haughty rough call to arms in a draft. It was a pleasant alert, timely and remedial but welcoming, friendly enough to merit forgiveness for disturbance of dormancy. It was gentle enough to turn one’s back on if one felt it prematurely given, yet seemed to arrive at precisely the correct moment and thus no hard feelings were had.
It was delivered in a rhythmic manner, as a song, or part of one. Some mornings, the man almost allowed himself to imagine the sound of a walking stick or staff punctuating the beat of the step. The man did wake some mornings with a feeling of expectation, a swell in his chest and a desire to sing out loud, even an old-fashioned performance song or country music.
The voice was strong, as a swimmer’s voice is strong. It was young-sounding, though not youthful. Some days the man fancied it to belong to a pretty little dame from the country, some a lass run away from home, some a young man returning somewhere. In the mornings, he often came to a result that it must be a woman, for no male has such a musical radiation. Following this, however, he would hear the intonation of the word and turn his ear, concluding that it spoke as a man did and with a lilting slide of the throat.
Perhaps the voice belonged to a young man, run away from home, or a traveling devout. Perhaps a wife carrying her wash basket to the riverside each morning or a swooning maiden visiting a lover in the night. Perhaps a beggar passing by, empty bowl held out to those up and about along the way.
The man sighed, smiled, and arose for the morning.

Kiara

That's a pretty nice story. ^^

I like how you wrote about an unusual topic. No one ever writes about these kinds of things, as they seem too "normal" to be interesting. However, you capture the reader's attention and keep it throughout the story. The description you used in the story is wonderful as well. Grammar and whatnot's good, though you forgot a few of your customary "tabs". Of course, such things may be intentional. Haha.
The story flows smoothly and nicely, and a sense of wonder remains after the reader finishes reading.

Long story short, you wrote a good story. A+

And yes, this is a humble opinion from someone who is terrible at writing stories. I read a lot, tho'. xD

Amjam

Thank you very much! I really appreciate the input and compliment. Smile

Yeah, the formatting I blame entirely on the forum. The paragraph indents you do see there I put in by hitting the spacebar several times, since the forum input box pretty much destroyed my formatting. ^^;

kirbyboy102

I like your writing style. It seems a bit repetitive with all of the 'good morning's...

I give it a B+. Better than average.

You know, you could put this in the sories section. It doesn't say not to put non-pokemon stories up there. I put one up there and didn't get liberated...

Amjam

Ooh, I apologize that you like my writing style. This sounds ridiculously unlike what I normally write. As I said, this was all experimental. XD If you want to see something closer to my actual style (which is a lot less eloquent and stately), try... this, maybe. It's pretty old but fits my roleplaying style and general writing much more correctly.

Yay, the teacher gave me a B+ as well! :> Must be the correct range there.

Nah... It's here, I'm too lazy to move it (I'm not even sure if my mod powers could do that) and it's no big difference.

Georgia

Heh, I could move it...But, I thought mods could move things...? Oh well.

It's a nice story. You get an A- from me because I feel like giving it a higher rank then everyone else. <3